User talk:Lostblood22
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the User:Lostblood22 page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! EmpyrealInvective (talk) 20:13, April 24, 2015 (UTC) However the story currently does not meet quality standards and needs revision. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 20:14, April 24, 2015 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 00:40, April 26, 2015 (UTC) Re: Story Unfortunately you and your friends missed quite a bit. The story was not up to quality standards, starting with the small things. Sound effects should be their own sentence and properly capitalized. ". *sniffle* (Sniffle: in italics) the man begins to hold back the tears; " "Taking steady steps towards the crib, stopping to look in." Wording issues: switching perspectives: "Sighing deeply he decided to walk around.. there was no need being in bed if you couldn’t pass out anyways", "He started crying not able to stop the flow of tears that burn (burned) their way down his face.", "He said softly as his hand falls (fell) into the crib and grabs (grabbed) the baby rattle...", "The man screams(screamed)" Story is told in past tense and needs to be consistent. "That wasn’t going to do anything but make it worse, well it is his own subconscious." (Re-phrasing), "...he grabbed the nearest sharpested (not a word) object." Punctuation: punctuation left outside of dialogue. "“Daddy”?", "Why, why couldn’t he be a father to a child, one who loved him.(?)", "Why couldn’t he be a good man, why did this life have to be ripped away from him." Even rhetorical questions need to have question marks. “I know(,/.)” the child's voice". "Please don’t beat yourself up over this, you were just trying to protect me, us.” The now muffled voice said into his back(period missing)" Spacing issues: "Don’t do this. I can’t deal with this ,not (X) now.”, "On his back swing he had cut something(sic) ,(space not needed) only when the blade was in front of his eyes did he relies (realize) he’d made a horrible mistake." Capitalization issues: "“just (Just) go away!” he exclaimed .(no space needed)", “No. of (Of) course I’d want to see you.", "now(comma missing) ”love (Love) you daddy.”", "A new flashback of that day. “I'm sorry to tell you this…” a women in a lab coat says (said, extra space not needed) talking to both him and his wife, as he desperately grips (gripped) her hand, his eyes widen (widened) in fear. ”your ("Your) child didn’t make it, there was nothing I could have done to save her,” his breathing is now heavy as he gasp trying to steady his breath. It was going to be a girl.", "“I can’t Forgive (forgive) myself(period missing)”" As you can see, there are a number of issues her that slipped through your proof-reading. I would strongly suggest taking your next story to the writer's workshop as they are fundamental in catching these type of issues. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:52, April 26, 2015 (UTC)